Abort / Retry / Ignore

Fade Away is one of my favourite songs right now. But the reason I’m posting this is because of one of the comments on that page. I don’t know how accurate it is to the song, but it fits my situation rather well. So here’s that quote:

It’s a broken friendship, not necessarily a relationship
As for as hard as it is to realize, for as close as they are they cannot be together
You feel shattered, stripped and barren, maybe its aimed at a close friend or a lover
It’s so painful for you that you can’t bear to see their face every day and you never want to see them again since just looking at them brings you misery, and you turn to rage to solve your answers

Your trying to move on, but you can’t you have that rush and urge to hold on, and it will kill you if you don’t strip it. Knowing that the mental abuse will only continue and the whole “logic” behind the friendship, it’s going to hurt you regardless if you’re close or not, because it will never feel the same, you try to break off, but you never will, she’s in your head.

You withdraw, you being to fall, suffer, gasp for air
you mentally break down, trying to hold on but you fall even harder
Hold on harder you say,trying to forget the memory, but all thats left is your cold dignity

You try to reminisce over the break up
Remembering all the friendships you severed just to keep this one alive
It’s to the point where you’re always pissed off and suffering where you began where it all started.
You want her but you cant have her, so you suffer just to try again the next day

Again, you advance and withdraw from the power narcotic (the woman) who strips down everything you’ve fought for.
You’re cold, you’re fading away, broken and alone once again

Next time it happens, it goes to the point where you can’t hold on anymore regardless of how hard you try, and you suffer even more, she forgets your face, she leaves, you’re alone, your done. You’re not friends, lovers and family anymore, just one broken man, and a free woman to bring down the next man

Obviously not all elements fit, but it seems like an eerily apt analysis of how I feel these days.

I still have a blog? Who knew?

I’m posting! I still have nothing to say. Why do I have a blog, anyway? We’re enjoying the new house and the new baby, and we look forward to a big tax return so we can do some work to the place. Not that it needs it; it’s mostly optional upgrades. Like lights and maybe finishing the basement. And more fence. I haven’t decided whether we want a tree or not. I love trees, and I want a big oak in the middle of the back yard, but I also hate raking leaves.

Studying Japanese is going well, but it’s not coming as easily as I’d like. If I had more time to dedicate to it, it’d probably be a lot easier. Alas, I am a wage slave. Which means I waste most of my life (and am too tired to do anything with the rest) with relatively little to show for it.

I do have a secret project in the works that might ease some of the load, but it also might just be a complete waste of time. We’ll see.

We just had a new baby girl this morning at 4:37am.

Now I feel like I’m neglecting my blog in favor of twitter, but this feeling of guilt has actually made me come back here more regularly than I was before. I mean, two whole posts in August?! That’s unheard of.

So here’s some news: We bought a house. Because we have another kid on the way and we needed another bedroom. The kid is due in ten days! I worry about being able to make the mortgage, but I think we can manage. We won’t have much in the way of luxury items anymore (I spend way too much on books, anyway—the dangers of being hooked on the stuff you deal). But at the same time: Yard! Two bathrooms! No neighbors! I can play loud music! I can have pets!

The only thing I’ll miss about our apartment is that the neighbors always seem to be cooking something that smells awesome when you first walk into the building. Makes you wanna go knocking on doors to find out who it is and then ask for some.

Anyone willing to make the trip is invited to the housewarming. It’ll be Halloween weekend, so I’m thinking of having the first-ever costume-housewarming. And if it’s not the first ever, I don’t care. If I haven’t seen it, it’s new to me!

Yeah, um… so I’m having fun with Twitter. It’s nice to send inane crap from my phone. I know nobody wants to read it, but I still send it. And it’s a lot less effort than thinking up coherent, intelligent blog posts. (I know, most of my blog posts are borderline, anyway.) I don’t think I’ve posted about what I’m eating, yet, though. Perhaps I should. Anyway, yeah. Hmmm.

Okay, so I caved. I now have a Twitter thingy. I tweet things. I’m a twit.

I really don’t have anything to say, but I don’t want to let my bloggish stagnate. I know there are one or two people that actually read it, so they can now pretend to be interested in the goings-on of my life. Hooray you.

I enjoy things.

I’m the greatest, smartest, most attractive man alive. If only you knew. All the guys want to be me, and all the ladies want to be with me. I make millions on the black market, selling plutonium I grow myself. And with that money, I’ve purchased several solid gold cars, and dated several solid gold supermodels. I get my mail with a helicopter, and I do the dishes by burning them and buying a new set. I have servants for everything, including two whose jobs are to kiss each of my butt-cheeks all day long. Except when I’m sitting, then they just do the grapes and palm-frond thing. I also own everything, but I lease land out to local groups who call themselves “governments”. They run the regions in exchange for free rent, but they answer to me. They’re like expensive landlords.

Oh, and…

April Fool’s! I don’t really have servants who kiss my butt. But the rest is all true.

I know some people like to know what books people are reading or whatever. Those people are weird. But anyway, I have this cool library software, that exports crap. So, here’s my list of crap. I don’t have everything I own in there yet (not even close), but I have a lot of the new stuff. It’s pretty fun adding things. And it tracks to whom items are lent, which is a nice feature. So yeah, that’s a bunch of my crap. Enjoy learning about my tastes. Or at least, my recent tastes. And yes, this is a token post because I missed February.